Reader’s Stories

It is hard for me to know where to begin. I could start when I was a little girl and all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. I could start with how I had hoped that in college, I would find the man of my dreams and get married by 20. I could even start after college when I went mini-golfing and my date was the opposite of what I was looking for.

However, I think I will begin in the summer of 2015. I had just finished teaching a five-day music camp with my best friend. I came home and lamented to my mom, for probably the millionth time, that I just wished the right guy would come along. She gently asked me if I’d thought about online dating again. I had previously tried online Christian dating sites. She even offered to pay for it for a few months. I told her I’d try one more time.

The next day, on July 24, 2015, within a few hours of signing up, a really cute guy named Adam from Ohio wrote me a message. I instantly took a liking to him, and pretty soon we were writing long emails to each other multiple times a day. Then we were talking via Face Time on a daily basis. After asking my parents’ permission to date me, Adam and I met for the first time in person on September 19, 2015. We had our first date at Disneyland where, right before the fireworks, he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was truly magical! From there, we dated long distance, visiting each other back and forth from California to Ohio.

In February of 2016, Adam made the bold decision to move to California! He drove 2,400 miles over three days with everything he owned packed up into his little white car. In March, while on a date at the Griffith Observatory atop the hills of Los Angeles, with a view of the Hollywood sign, Adam dropped to one knee and proposed marriage. It was so romantic—finally, all my dreams were coming true!

It was a whirlwind after that—finding my dress, putting together the little details. On August 6, 2016, I married Adam Richard Lang. It was the most blissful, lovely day. We honeymooned at Disneyland, then began making our home together. As each day passed, we fell more and more in love.

Adam had a night job and was typically home from work at around 2:00 a.m. Early in the morning of September 9, 2016, I had woken up about an hour after he was supposed to be home, wondering where he was. I texted him—no answer. I then called him; his phone went straight to voicemail. I figured his phone had died like it often did and decided to just wait up for him. Maybe he had to work late that night. I waited and waited. After thirty minutes, he still wasn’t home. At that point, I talked with my mom and told her Adam wasn’t home. She tried to calm me down and told me to wait a few more minutes before going to his work to look for him.

After another thirty minutes, I got in my car and headed to his work. It was still dark out, and I came upon an accident where there were police everywhere. I couldn’t get past the wreck and there were too many officers around for me to really see anything. At the time, I truly didn’t think it had anything to do with Adam; maybe that was God protecting me, I don’t know. I took an alternate route to his work and didn’t see his car. Everyone inside the building said he had left work on time. I feared the worst now. After searching the area and still not finding him, I didn’t know what to do. One of the elders of our church started helping me search. It didn’t take long for him to call me. He had found Adam! He told me to come to the hospital, he said he was in the ICU. He said he would meet me there. I raced to the hospital, only stopping once to pull over and vomit. I prayed. I pleaded with God to save him. We could get through this! I could take care of him if he was permanently injured. I would love him no matter what!

When I arrived, the elder from my church was outside, holding a bag of Adam’s clothes. I ran up to him and said, “Where is he? Is he okay?” He just looked at me and said, “Brighton, he didn’t make it. I saw him, he’s gone.” I don’t really remember much after this. Only that I kept hearing a sound come out of me that I had never heard before, a deep groan, a moaning of agony. My husband, my sweet Adam, was gone. I asked my pastor to pray, and I would have collapsed if he hadn’t held me up with his arms.

On September 9, 2016, just four weeks and six days after we were married, after leaving his work at 1:15 a.m., Adam’s car was struck by a substance-impaired driver going over one hundred miles an hour, who was being chased by police. He was quickly taken to a nearby hospital, and despite their efforts, a short while later, died.

From that point on, it was just details—contacting family, friends, making arrangements. Adam’s body wasn’t released by the coroner until almost two weeks after he died, and we laid him to rest on September 22, 2016.

It has been nearly four years, and I miss him still. I went through many different changes because of this trial. I still am. But one thing has always remained constant. I have never once doubted the love and faithfulness of my Savior. God knew the moment Adam was going to go Home. He knew that I was going to have to live my life without him. Even though I was broken, the Lord never allowed me to fully break. He was always there, comforting me, holding me when I felt so alone and empty. When I cried out in the months of sleepless nights, where all I wanted was just one more minute with Adam, He was there, listening and giving me SO. MUCH. GRACE.

I will not say that I didn’t struggle with sin, that I was the perfect picture of Christ. I had anger toward the driver (and his family) that killed Adam, anger at God for allowing me to fall in love and get married, only to rip him away. I struggled with bitterness and hurt. I was not perfect, but oh, my Savior was! He was there, convicting me, showing me so much mercy. He gave me friends and family members to show me truth and my sin in such loving and gentle ways, never expecting perfection. My family, especially, gave me so much forbearance—seeing my sin, but choosing when the right time was to confront me in love. I am so grateful for my pastors and elders, as well. They counseled me so many times, often in the middle of the night or at a last-minute’s notice. God knew exactly the people I needed.

Even though I struggled, I still strove to grow in Christlikeness. I always knew that God was getting so much glory from this. When I would search the Psalms for comfort, a few passages would always be a balm to my heart. Psalm 6: 6–10; Psalm 8; and James 1. If you ever have the opportunity, memorize those verses! They will be an amazing treasure in your heart. I would often recite those verses in the middle of the night when sleep wouldn’t come, and I was anxious and so lonely.

Another way of worshiping that brought me joy and great comfort was singing! If you know me, you know that I love to sing, more than almost anything. Some of the greatest moments of my life are attached to songs. A few that helped me during my deepest moments of grief were The Lord Is My Salvation, In Christ Alone, and My Worth Is Not in What I Own, all by Keith and Kristyn Getty. The latter was actually a duet that Adam and I sang at our church for a ladies’ tea. It was recorded on video and I treasure that memory.

Even though four years have passed, and the Lord has been so good to me in bringing me countless other blessings, my journey of grief isn’t over, and it has lasting effects. I have anxiety that is sometimes crippling. I still get counseling from time to time and my amazing husband, Wade, points me to Christ on a daily basis. In late 2017, I reconnected with a friend. Remember that terrible miniature golf date? Well, that guy is now my husband! We started dating in November of 2017, and ever so gently, I fell in love with Wade Hart. He was so understanding, so forbearing, and he always reminded me that he would never try and replace Adam, that he would always be a part of our story. On April 28, 2018, we were married in a sweet ceremony of our closest friends and family. Since then, we’ve built a beautiful life together and on October 2, 2019, we welcomed our son, Weston Adam Hart, into our family. Through no planning of our own, he was born on Adam’s birthday. What a beautiful picture of God’s amazing grace, mercy, and faithfulness. Out of the ashes comes beauty.

For those wondering how to comfort a grieving person, I would first encourage you to pray! God knew that you would be in this person’s life; ask Him to help you meet that person’s specific needs as they grieve. Second, I would ask the person how you can help them, what do they need? Everyone grieves so differently and it’s important that your friend can be honest with what they truly need, instead of what others think they need. I would encourage you to be very patient and forbearing. There is no timeline on grief; yes, it will fade over time. But that time varies, and you could have three months of great progress and then suddenly be in darkness again.

Having friends who are there for you in the ups and downs is so helpful! Keep reaching out, keep inviting them places, it makes those grieving still feel needed and wanted. Finally, and most importantly, don’t be afraid to confront them in love. If you see that they are struggling with a particular sin, please show them gently that you only want them to glorify Christ. There will be times when it’s best to let things go, but when it’s the right time, the Lord will give you the right words to say. I have an even deeper relationship with some of my friends because they chose the hard thing and confronted me in love about my sin.

My life is far from perfect, and there are days where I still miss Adam so much it hurts, but I am doing better. Each day is one day closer to seeing him again in glory, and until then, I am so thankful for the amazing blessings of my family, my husband, and my son. To God be all the glory!

Hope & Helps

Scripture I clung to on the hardest days/nights:

I searched the Psalms for comfort; a few passages would always be a balm to my heart. Psalm 6: 6–10; Psalm 8; and James 1. I also loved reading through the gospels, particularly John, to find hope in the gospel and Adam’s security in Christ in Heaven.

Helpful ways people ministered to me:

• Sweet gifts of encouragement: notebooks to write my thoughts, and my favorite teas or snacks.
• Two of the most thoughtful gifts I received were a package of beautifully laminated Scriptures from a sweet friend who has since gone to heaven, and a gorgeous necklace that had meaningful charms inside representing Adam’s life.

What you should NOT say to someone in a similar circumstance:

I would encourage anyone who is walking alongside a grieving person to remember that they may handle grief differently than you do. Don’t tell them how they should be grieving. Don’t assume that because they aren’t talking about it, that they’re “better.” One of the most hurtful things was having people assume I was ready for things I wasn’t. Like dating or visiting his grave. Just be kind and ask before assuming.

Hymns or songs that comforted me:

• The Lord Is My Salvation, Shane and Shane
• In Christ Alone, Keith and Kristen Getty
• My Worth Is Not in What I Own, Keith and Kristyn Getty
• As the Deer, Martin Nystrom
• Great Is Thy Faithfulness, Thomas Chisholm
• O, the Deep Deep Love of Jesus, Samuel Trevor Franc

The hope Jesus has given me through my loss of Adam:

My greatest hope is knowing I’ll see Adam again. That he’s no longer in pain and that all his worries are gone. I also have great hope that this trial will bring others to Christ. I have had hundreds of people pray for me, hundreds who know Adam’s story, his coworkers even heard the gospel at his funeral. If even ONE person can be saved from hell, that’s enough for me to suffer here on earth. That’s what Adam would have wanted for his own life, and it’s something I try to remember on the darkest days of my grief.